2019 is all about welcoming good news, whether it is a new job, escalating profits in business, exciting travel plan, owning a dream vehicle, buying a new house, falling in love or adding the new addition to the family. Happy New Year pals.
Ever since God created Adam and Eve, his creation continued ahead as a blessing from him. In holy scripture, Mother has given the higher status as she bears the child in the womb and endures so much pain to bring a baby in the world. God is great!
Even though they are regarded as higher status all around the world, they still go through the humiliation and shaming for their choices and parenting style.
If a woman has a baby and decides to go back to work, she is mom shamed for her decision. Instead of applauding her strength to juggle between maintaining home and nurturing her baby. she is questioned for her priority.
If a woman decides to quit her career after a child and wishes to stay at home to focus solely on raising her child. she is mom shamed for her poor choices, instead of supporting and helping her cause.
If a woman decides to take a break from her mom duties, wishes to get away for me time. She is mom shamed for neglecting her child. Instead of offering her time to rejuvenate and be the best version of herself.
If a woman decides to give her child screen time, she is mom shamed for her inability to entertain a child round the clock and opting for readily available resources. Instead of understanding her perspective and reasons.
Today the Mom shaming is a much talked about topic in the mommy blogger community. It should definitely be, every mom has her own unique style and questioning her upbringing should not be anyone’s concern, even if it’s your meek aunt, in-laws, relative, fellow mom or friend etc. Nobody holds any degree of power to belittle her choices as she is the mother and knows what works best for her child.
People have to understand that whether she hands over a smartphone or any millennial gaming gadget is completely her choice and her responsibilities. So cut her slack, let her nurture her child in what she likes and believes in. You do you, momma !!
But, are you aware there is relatively shaming for non-mom ( females who are not moms yet) These ladies silently shed a tear or two. When they hear someone’s good news as spontaneous question follows is, so when are you giving us the good news, when is yours, now it’s your turn??
These ladies fake a smile when the fellow mom envies her for not holding a responsibility yet. While she must have her own reasons to not be one. But, who cares right? She is everything that you can’t be for now.
These ladies bury their feelings when a mom lectures her what a joyful blessing they are missing out.
These ladies silently endure the snaps from a tired mom, who vents about the difficulties she is facing, just to taunt “Be a mom first, you are not even a mom, I’m waiting to see how your kids trouble you”.
These ladies patiently wait for their turns and ignore the mean comments, while a mean woman flaunts her baby bump to make her envy. Rubbing, stroking her belly making it a point to snob the non-moms while smirking with side eye that the competition is won and the mother title goes to her. (you don’t have to be genius to notice this just needs attention and yes such things happen)
It is sad that nobody talks about it, why are women hypocritic in such sensitive matters. If you don’t like a suggestion then before lashing your frustrations on women who have no experience in the department, clearly spell the disclaimer out loud ‘No suggestions required’, just lending an ear is happily done. It is a human tendency to offer help when someone comes with a problem if not a suggestion or reference of material they come across.
If you envy these non-moms assuming they have all their life put together as you juggle between nap time and nappies. Hold your horses, she must be going through very stressful events in life that require all her energy that you can’t see.
If you think these non-moms have got it easy as they have no toddlers or newborn clinging. Think again, these women must be going through a hell lot of pressure from society and family breathing down her neck to conceive soon.
If you think these non-moms are lucky with no responsibility. Stop it there, they must be facing reproductive challenges. Waiting for their respective partner who is not ready yet to adorn the title of father. Worst family sabotaging as they interfere in a couple personal space or they must be financially not ready.
If you think that these non-moms are so cool as they enjoy their life and do whatever they want. sympathy to you momma but Really ?? so are you saying once your kids grow up your life is magically a fairy tale with no problems.
If you think that these non-moms have peace, hold on your words, as they might silently suffering as they go through a painful abortion or multiple miscarriages or have a hard time to conceive or going through rigours IVF treatment. Worst going through a difficult relationship.
It is astonishing how such things go unnoticed and it’s also bizarre that women who were ones childless develop such negative vibes towards the mom’s yet to be. They practically scare the shit out with their frustrations of what it’s like ‘being a mom’ but then immediately smothering kisses to their little one to proclaim that it’s the best gift they have ever received.
They forget we all start from same point and transit into something else. Today you might be a mother but earlier you were not. Today she might not be a mother but tomorrow she might be one. Motherhood is a blessing and not a competition, show some empathy. Just like it was your decision to be a mom other is just taking her time and do understand it is God will, not to deny they are women who wish not to be a mother. Just like you decide what is best for you and your child, other ladies have a choice too. Telling them to be a mom first to understand what you go through is similar to someone mom shaming your parenting techniques. It’s not that most women don’t understand the hard work that goes behind in being a mother, they are simply learning by absorbing your journey what it is like being one. Hold some grace when you snap back and understand from where they are coming from.
Truth be told every woman dreams of having her own child from the time she plays pretend mommy with her dollies. She continues to weave this dream in depth as she grows in young women and even wishes for one last time when she is in her old age. It is a feeling that never fleets away. So shaming a Mom or Not a mom or Never can be a mom or Doesn’t want to be a mom is just heartbreaking and depressing.
Non-Mom shaming is similar to asking a lady why hasn’t she found a husband yet or asking a lady why isn’t she using her education to earn and be independent or telling a woman that she too fat, small, big or skinny.
Women have to understand that each woman journey is different and so are the struggles. whether it is womanhood, sisterhood, motherhood, financial, spiritual, physical or mental shaming. Just because you are a mom and the other person is not or vice-versa doesn’t give you a right to shoot your hurtful opinions. Shaming is shaming in any form to anyone in any circumstances it should be condemned but labelling it as sympathetic entitle is just cruel and needs to change.
Let us stop all kind of shaming and create a change by holding empathy for each other.
To all the moms, you have decided to bring this tiny human to life with complete consciousness so enjoy your journey by spreading the love. Touchwood!
To all the moms yet to be, don’t be disappointed remember good things and best blessing take time, hold on to your patience and faith. May God shower you with tiny humans whenever He decides you are ready. Ameen!
Baby dust to all the women who are TTC, May 2019 be the year of your rainbow baby.